You're It
}}Tension! Tension! Four scenes nicely interwoven: Roy/Celia, Crystal/Haley, Shojo/Belkar, Belkar/Cleric of Loki! Cast * Roy Greenhilt (as spirit) ◀ ▶ * Haley Starshine ◀ ▶ * Belkar Bitterleaf (also sickened) ◀ ▶ * Durkon Thundershield (as chalk drawing) ◀ ▶ * Mr. Scruffy ◀ ▶ * Celia ◀ ▶ * Lord Shojo (as vision) ◀ ▶ * Crystal ◀ ▶ * Bozzok ◀ ▶ * Cleric of Loki ◀ ▶ * Jenny ◀ ▶ * Chuck ◀ ▶ * Lockpicking Thief ◀ ▶ Transcript Celia stands in a darkened room looking in on the room where Crystal, Haley and Bozzok are. Roy's spirit hovers behind her. Roy: Don't you dare think about going out there, Celia. You just managed to give those thieves the slip. Celia: *gasp* Celia: Haley!! Roy: You can't hear me? Fine. But if you can feel my presence here at all, then LISTEN to me for once. Cut to the rogues picking the door to Pete's safe room. The lock turns, "click!" Lockpicking Thief: There you go, one unlocked door! Cut to Shojo and Belkar in Belkar's mind. Shojo: OK, Belkar, we've talked about a lot of things. Now I need you to do something for me, OK? Belkar: Yeah, sure, no problem. You've given me all sorts of sneaky new ways to raise hell. Cut back to Roy and Celia. Roy: Believe me, I would love for you to go save Haley right now, but she is lying between two high-level rogues. Roy: If you go between them to feed her a potion or carry her off or whatever, they will Double Sneak Attack of Opportunity you into vapor. Cut to Belkar's mind. Shojo: Here's what I need from you: I need you to tell me what you are. Belkar: Come again? Shojo: It's a relatively simple question. How can you succeed at pretending to be something else without knowing exactly what you are in the first place. So what are you, Belkar? Cut back to Roy and Celia. Roy: And don't go thinking that if you just give in and fry them with your lightning, it would fix everything. Roy: It wouldn't. They'd just Evade and you might hit Haley. Roy: You need to be patient. Wait for your moment. Outside the door, Crystal sits atop Haley. Crystal: I've wanted to do this for seven years. Outside the safe room. Lockpicking Thief: Damn, it's barred or something, too! I tried pushing and pulling! Chuck: Bull's Strength! Jenny: I'll play a bard song, too. That ought to be worth another +2, right? Inside Belkar's mind. Shojo: Do you hear the music? Time's almost up, Belkar. Shojo: Answer the question, what are you? Belkar: Uh...a halfling? Shojo: What else? Belkar: A ranger? With a sprinkle of barbarian? Cut back to Roy and Celia. Roy: I know it's tough, baby. But if there's one lesson I've learned the hard way, it's that you're not helping anyone if you get yourself killed in the process. Trust me. Celia: I...I can't help her!! Roy: Haley will be fine, she knew this fight might end badly for her. Outside the door, something is cut, "SHIRKT!" Crystal sits on Haley, holding Haley's cut off pony tail. Crystal: Woooo! Haley: Unnnnh... Crystal: Check it out! I got me a trophy! Inside Belkar's mind. Shojo: Is that all you are? A race and a class? Another forgettable mix-and-match player character? Belkar: No! Shojo: If you die, will another halfling ranger just happen to show up to take your place? Belkar: HELL, no! Shojo: Then what ARE you? Roy and Celia. Roy: Think of all this as a game... a game of Tag. Roy: And Durkon is Base. Rogues in front of the door. Lockpicking Thief: Hey, I think that cleric stopped chanting. Chuck: Did he finish the spell he was casting? Or did he just stop? Lockpicking Thief: ...I'm not sure. Jenny: Then keep trying. Bozzok promised that cleric's head to Loki's high priest. Crystal sitting on Haley. Crystal: HA! Crystal: NOW who has the nice haircut, huh? Ha ha! Inside Belkar's mind. Belkar: I'm Chaotic Evil! Shojo: Still just a label. What else? Belkar: I'm—I'm comedy gold! Belkar: I'm the only funny thing left in this damn comic strip! Shojo: WHAT ELSE?? Roy and Celia. Roy: Some of us might get tagged along the way, but everything will work out as long as one of us reaches Base. Bozzok, Haley and Crystal. Bozzok: Hey, Sweeney Toddette, can you please just kill her so we can split her XP? Crystal: Yeah. Crystal: Yeah, OK. Cut to Belkar and the cleric of Loki in real life. Belkar lies comatose. Cleric of Loki: Can you hear me? Cleric of Loki: Listen, I have time to cast just about one spell before they come through that door to kill both of us. Cleric of Loki: The pretty redhead said you killed someone, does that mean you're a warrior? Are you good at fighting? Cut to Roy and Celia. Roy: We just need to figure out the path to get there... even if it's the last thing we expect. Inside Belkar's mind. Belkar: I'm— Belkar: I'm— Shojo: You know the answer to this, say it! SAY IT! Closeup of Belkar in his mind; the panel turns red. Belkar: I AM A SEXY— Belkar and Cleric of Loki in real life. Belkar: ...shoeless... Belkar: ...god of war... Off-panel, the rogues push on the barricade, "WUMPH!" The barricade is trembling "WUMPH!" The barricade is falling apart "WUMPH!" Cleric of Loki: Good enough for me, this spell is on the house. Cleric of Loki: Remove Curse! Cleric of Loki: Passcode: "Evolve or die"! Off-panel the barricade collapses, "WUMPH!" D&D Context * An Attack of Opportunity can happen when a creature attempts to move through the weapon range of another creature. For Crystal and Bozzok, they would get to use their rogue (and Assassin) class feature, Sneak Attack, for extra damage. * Evasion allows a rogue to take no damage from spells and other attacks that would cause half damage on a successful saving throw. * Bull's Strength is a 2nd level spell which temporarily gives +4 to the Strength ability. * The bardic class feature Inspire Competance gives +2 to skill checks. * Remove Curse is a 3rd level cleric spell which cancels magical curses. Trivia * Sweeny Todd is a fictional character and a staple of Victorian melodramas. In his story, he is a barber who slits the throats of his customers and sends them to the basement via a mechanical barber chair, where they are turned into meat pies to be sold on the streets of London by his partner in crime, Mrs. Lovett. The story was famously turned into a Tony award-winning musical by Steven Sondheim in 1979. * Belkar declared himself a sexy shoeless god of war in #439, as well as a sexy shoeless god of cooking in #476. * This strip marks Belkar being released from the Mark of Justice. It was shown cast on him in "Belkar Leashed" and triggered in "A Sign That You Have a Problem". External Links * View the comic * View the discussion thread Category:Uses Bull's Strength Category:Uses Bardic Music Category:Uses Remove Curse Category:Haley Runs Afoul of the Greysky City Thieves Guild